Thursday, January 25, 2007

These boots...

boots
...are made for walking,
and that's all they're good for.
One of these days these boots...

Dare I finish?

It's bad enough resorting to a down-filled parka (masking all the curves I work so hard to retain), cramming a hat down over my ears (thus matting down my baby-thin hair), and wrapping a wool scarf around my neck and chin (which, once doffed, sends my matted-down hair springing in all directions, thanks to the wonders of static electricity). But the boots, come on...the boots can be fun, no?

long black bootsI have my long black boots, guaranteed to draw the male eye (ask anyone), but useless in minus 20-odd degrees Celsius. And I also have my trusty ankle-high RootsTuff boots, good for slippery slopes but not much use for protecting dryclean-only trousers. And now I have my Cougar boots, which I picked up at a Boxing Week sale. I figured I'd be able to walk without falling — I've wiped out twice this winter, once in a pair of pumas and not long afterwards in said gorgeous boots above — and also save on the weekly drycleaning bill.

Sadly, all I've managed to do is pummel my self-esteem. When I look down I see not slender, delicate feet but the wide, splayed feet of a duck. When I catch my reflection in a store window, I cringe. Is that me with the big butchy boots and the trouser legs bunched up at the knees? Yes, indeed-y.

At lunch I typically climb down from the exalted heights of the university and walk to the centre of Montreal. For those of you who don't know Montreal, it boasts an underground city second to none. Tourists love it and so do the natives. For instance, if you work downtown, you can walk just about anywhere without braving sub-zero temperatures, from numerous tall office buildings/skyscrapers to restaurants, shops — you name it. Monday I walked to my husband's office, bundled up as usual, and from there we had lunch and shopped, all without him having to don a single outerwear garment. I, however, well...you can guess. (Thankfully, he's completely infatuated still.)

Next week I join the ranks of the downtown office workers. Hallelujah.

When's the last time you remember reading a romance featuring a waddling, down-laden heroine? See, you get the picture.

Are you ready boots? Start walkin' ...all the way to the dustbin!

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6 Comments:

Blogger Brown said...

Oh my poor darling Eva, I feel your pain.

Edmonton is basking in warmer temperatures and sunny days, but...

I still have to bundle up when I take the dogs out and I’m fighting a bug, so the hat, scarf, earmuffs…all in all, I look like Smurfette, a short, dumpy Smurfette with my coat and pants of navy blue.

And the streets are still slick and icy, so I’ve been doing the hiking boots/winter boots and puffy jacket when I go out. Lucky for me, Sven thinks warm is sexy, and so is quite happy when I’m all bundled up. But I hate going into the shops and looking at skimpy clothing when I feel like the love child of the Hulk and the Michelin Man.

I’m praying for Spring so that I can wear cute tops again, to feel the sun on my not-frozen fingers.

But now that you'll be descending to downtown, can I count on you to wear all the sexy, frothy things so that I live vicariously through you and those gorgeous black boots until Spring comes my way?

PS
Don't send the boots to the bin. The Brad Pitt look alike you've got hidden in your basement said that he's quite partial to those. You wouldn't want to disappoint him, would you?

5:59 pm  
Blogger Annie said...

Eva, did I not tell you about my latest romcom featuring a fat girl with flat boots? It's called 'Fat Girl with Flat Boots' and is about a girl who's so fat she decides she will walk the world to lose weight. However, she's vain enough to try and walk in boots with heels, but her immense weight gradually causes the heels to wear down to the point of non-existence. It is at this stage that she meets the hero - he is riding a camel in the Sahara Desert and dismounts his beast in order to lift her up on to his knobbly steed so she can have a well-deserved rest. As he drops down beside her she realises that he is, in fact, only the same height as her and she is very glad her boots no longer have a heel and she vows never to wear high heels ever again. And also she is no longer fat because she has walked such a long way. And she and the short hero fall instantly in love with each other and ride off on his camel into the sunset.

And that my friends is not only a romance about a fat person wearing flat boots, it is also a HAT.

11:01 pm  
Blogger Eva said...

Brilliant, Annie! I love it! Hats off to you! And write it quick, please.

Thanks, Brown, I knew you'd understand. I guess I will keep the boots, then, for I'd do anything for a Brad Pitt lookalike.

1:09 am  
Blogger India said...

I'm taking your point about the duck-boots Eva, but arse-over-tit in the snow isn't such a good look either...

Keep the boots.

10:02 am  
Blogger Eva said...

Duly noted, India!

Today, for instance, with wind chill it's -30-odd degrees. I'm grateful for my scarf tied around my head, my warm boots, and long coat. I'm even thinking about buying long johns or leg warmers. The boys at home will have fun peeling them off my near-frozen body.

1:45 pm  
Blogger Brown said...

Now, one moment, India. If anyone could make arse-over-tit a good look, it would be Eva. Though, Eva, that look only works if you're wearing flattering slacks and your coat is zipped down to show cleavage. And at -30, no woman should put her girls at risk for hypothermia. I'll just pop round and let the boys know that while their hot breath is great at defrosting your near frozen body, the best way at melting you is to make dinner and take out the garbaage -- I'll make sure the Brad Pitt Look-a-like doesn't dry out the duck like last time.

3:53 pm  

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